This post first appeared on the Amethysts in Your Eyes blog Sept. 9, 2015. It was written by Intergalactic Traveler who lives in Sao Paulo, Brazil. He showed it to me at SoBo restaurant in Tofino and I urged him to let me read it on the show, which I did at the end of Episode 48.

Soothing rain, pattering down, washing my brain with sounds of water falling from the sky. It’s quite amazing, all this water falling from the sky, setting the world free. Sometimes I feel trapped in my own mind, nowhere out, thoughts whispering to worries, living in pits of nostalgia that seduce me in with my own lies. Where did I go wrong I wonder? I was lured in the night, and entranced in the day. I was my own bad influence, looking away from the mirror to find flashing lights, girls in flesh, all sweating to a churning beat.

fractal style

I remember the time I dreamed. There was a steep spiral path moving up and up, with plush red carpet, a low ceiling, only while crouching could you make your way up the path. The beat was distant, and steady, the unmistakable drumming of a tribal rave rhythm. Other people were walking side by side, some running, beautiful girls passing, encouraging me “come on”, “keep coming”, their voices drifting like a warm rush of serotonin through the brain, dripping pure pleasure through the body. Everything was a dark red, carpet on the floor, carpet on the wall, the spiral ramp crept upwards and forward, forward and upwards. I kept going, chasing, like a vampire with blood on the tongue wrapped in a cocoon of sexual desire.

(Listen to the podcast reading edition of it here)

I woke in my room, at my Mom’s house in Bonny Doon. I was seventeen and the rave had recently made it’s way into my cerebral cortex, deep into my subconscious, and touching other places further away from the grasp of science, twisting into spiritual hiding where only the soul can be reached.   When I awoke I went to the bathroom just outside my bedroom, down the hallway. I was still trying to find a way to the top of the ramp, to where the beat was, where did all those people go? I wanted to be there too, dancing, disappearing into the mystic wonderland.   After I was done peeing, I turned towards the sink, and there she was. She was standing with her hands on the sink, wearing nothing but her black panties contrasting her restless blond hair. The desire was so intense, yet so clean and pure, so simple, the senses so awake. I reached out and ran my hand down her lower back continuing along her smooth curves, just as our skin met and the synapses fired, it was over. I woke up in bed again, the same as before. I still remember.

I am reprogramming my mind now. Changing the behavior of neurotransmitters that lost the way. Letting it all flow smoothly again, without harm from the outside, just love and peace from within. We can be empty now, letting it out all out, and the universe, vast and profound, sends nature back to run its beautiful serene path.   The upstairs bedroom is empty, and a gentle, steady wind blows through, leaving the curtains to flap gently in the open space. The rain comes, washes it all away, the green vibrant leafs of plants kissed with droplets of water, splashing down, softening what was hard, loving what was lost. I have found the flow again. The flow of the universe, connecting the stars, planets, the earth, the rivers, and the majestic sea. The eagle floating above the mountaintop, air beneath beautiful outstretched wings, drifts upward to the sounds of the sky. Letting it all go, releasing the tension, the worry, releasing the seductive dream.   Getting free.

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